He’s sipping his iced matcha latte with oat milk, quoting bell hooks between Clairo and Laufey tracks, with a Labubu keychain dangling from his thrifted tote. You’ve seen him. Maybe dated him. Definitely scrolled past him. The Performative Male is everywhere, and he’s curated to perfection (or so he thinks).

But before you fall for the soft lighting and lowercase captions, ask yourself: Is this lifestyle lived, or just liked?

And before we dissect the deeper meaning behind this curated persona, let’s take a closer look at the visual and cultural cues that define him. From his beverage of choice to his Instagram grid, here’s what makes up the Performative Male starter pack and why it’s more than just a vibe.

Iced Matcha Latte

The iced matcha latte with oat milk is totally a declaration. Cool, green, and photogenically layered, it’s the beverage of choice for the Performative Male, signaling taste, restraint, and just enough obscurity to feel elevated. It’s the emotional prop: a sip of sensitivity, a swirl of aesthetic empathy, and a subtle nod to the soft masculinity he’s trying to embody or at least emulate.

Tote Bag

The tote bag is his armor. Usually thrifted and screen-printed with a cryptic slogan or feminist quote, it swings from his shoulder like a badge of ideological alignment. Inside, you’ll likely find a pristine copy of The Will to Change by bell hooks with its spine uncracked, message unpracticed.

And of course, it’s bell hooks because her work on masculinity is radical yet readable, the perfect citation for signaling emotional depth without confronting it. Bonus points if you have a carabiner attached showing off more of your possessions.

Wired Earphones

His earphones are wired, of course. AirPods are too mainstream, too corporate. Wired headphones suggest nostalgia, intentionality, and a rejection of tech conformity. They’re part of the look, just like the iced matcha, which he holds like a fashion accessory because the mood matters.

Labubu Keychain

Then there’s the Labubu keychain, a strange, goblin-like creature that’s become a cult symbol among Gen Z aesthetes.

Is it ironic? Is it cute? Is it a cry for help? No one knows. But it dangles with purpose, signaling a kind of niche cultural fluency that says, “I’m in the know, but I don’t take myself too seriously.”

Feminism

He’ll talk about feminism. He might even post about it on Instagram. But when pressed on the actual labor of allyship, listening, unlearning, and showing up, he often retreats into ambiguity. The feminist literature is there, but the internalization is missing. It’s less about the message, more about the optics.

Clairo, Laufey & More

His playlist is a soft swirl of Clairo, Laufey, and sad girl indie. He knows every lyric. He’ll tell you he “feels deeply.” But when it’s time to talk about his own emotions, he deflects with irony or disappears entirely. Vulnerability is aestheticized, not embodied.

The Outfit

And then there’s the outfit. Oversized button-downs in muted tones, sage green, dusty rose, off-white, paired with wide-leg pants and worn-out sneakers.

Wireframe glasses perch on his nose, even if he doesn’t need them. A single silver ring glints on his finger or a chain on his collarbone. His skincare routine is immaculate, making him glow, but is it from within?

Instagram Grid

His Instagram grid is a visual diary of performative vulnerability.

Soft lighting, vintage filters, captions in lowercase introspection. Every image is a calculated gesture toward emotional availability, engineered to appeal to the progressive gaze as persona-building. "It keeps me up at night knowing women have periods every month."

Where the Problem Lies

Let’s be clear: nothing in the Performative Male starter pack is inherently problematic.

Listening to Laufey, reading feminist literature, sipping iced matcha, or wearing wireframe glasses are all valid, even beautiful, expressions of taste and identity.

The issue isn’t the aesthetic; but often the intention behind it. The problem arises when these choices become tools of performance rather than reflections of genuine belief or curiosity. When emotional openness is curated for romantic appeal, and feminist quotes are posted without personal accountability, the result is a hollow mimicry of progress. So, it’s not the matcha, it’s the motive.

In a culture that rewards surface-level virtue signaling over substance, the Performative Male becomes a mirror for a broader dissonance: the struggle to be sincere in a world that prizes the appearance of depth more than the work it takes to get there.

Yes, it’s encouraging to see men embrace softness, feminism, and emotional openness. But when these traits, or any other traits, are leveraged for social capital, especially romantic validation, they lose their sincerity.

Rejecting toxic masculinity is progress but replacing it with a new performance doesn’t take away the mask. Loving Laufey is lovely. But using her lyrics to seem sensitive while dodging accountability is just aesthetic empathy.

The Performative Male isn’t the villain but the symptom. A product of a generation caught between dismantling old norms and grasping for what comes next. It’s identity confusion dressed up as cultural fluency. And while it’s tempting to laugh it off, it points to something deeper: a need for real emotional literacy, not just curated vulnerability.

So, if you spot a performative male in the wild, don’t rush to judge. But do ask: is this softness sincere, or just another facade?

For those who may be facing an identity crisis or looking for a positive emotional outlet, check out local counselling services near you or an online platform.